Great Partners Aren’t Born: They Are Cultivated
With these statistics, PTSD and Anxiety will play a large portion of our relationship. Is it possible to have and maintain a healthy relationship with (or with a person with) PTSD and Anxiety issues? If this is your first time here, leave a like and subscribe to see more content like this. You may be surprised this will help your relationship deal with trauma now or down the road.
We are not doctors. We are just giving you statistics and telling you our experiences dealing with PTSD and Anxiety.
This will be the first segment of practice what you preach:
Oppression, depression, and devastation.
Oppression creates two type of people: liberators or oppressors. As a kid, I experienced enough pain to make me want to give up in life.
I dealt with internal problems and gang violence. When I woke up everyday, I didn’t know what door will bring me more trouble.
During our relationship, I experienced many type of flare ups.
One of the most consistent types was depression.
My depression was self-inflicted as I wondered into dark thoughts that I knew would hold me captive. I could remember getting into fits of anger and rage. Many people in my shoes can understand this anger and rage from childhood problems.
Oppression from domestic and gang violence made me consider retribution and retaliation. I found myself, every time God healed me, going back and fishing for those thoughts like many of us do. This is the best way to prevent self-infliction triggers. Leave them. If God fixed it, don’t break it.
Another shot, please. I used to drink before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. When I look back at it, it really saved my life.
Around the first weeks of talking Unique, I got into a fit of rage. My brother and I were fishing up thoughts that trigger our anger. While we were both drinking, I could see Unique become scared. Something came over me.
The Holy Spirit (whom I didn’t have a strong relationship with at the time) told me to calm down so I wouldn’t forfeit my future relationship.
From that day
I haven’t drunk to anything more of a casual sip. No glass, cups or shots. I learned outside devices wouldn’t be healthy to a person that is prone to anger or depression. It’s not smart or safe to maintain a healthy relationship. I begin seeking counsel and I found my mentor that came into my life later.
He told me: “If I speak negative about my life is the same as speaking negative about God.”
What a revelation. I allow my thoughts and habits to be surrendered at his rebuke. With much patience, I began to control my temper. My wife has the same problem. She has been raised around domestic abuse and violence as a little girl, also.
Childhood abuse and pain makes us prone to thinking coping with external devices is okay. I always rewarded her progress because it’s not easy dealing with trauma from your childhood.
Enabling is a No-No
One thing I learned is you can’t enable a person or yourself. If you enable a person, you are allowing bad habits to grow and preventing healthy growth. This isn’t casual pain like a mean parent, this is trauma that will take years to recover from.
Flare-ups can happen just from a person thinking about or actually dealing with the person that actually neglected or failed to prevent the incidents.
Don’t be guilty for experiencing traumatic events in your life. Just helping a progress and growth is the best thing you can do. It’s easy to get upset when someone is overwhelmed and having a flare-up. Real partners stay and pray.
Pain affects everyone differently so I understand getting over the hump. When someone is at their weakest point, they will be easily influenced by you.
This is why so many people don’t grow. If you are not ready, Heal Before Moving Forwards.
This is Story
We are putting out our story to let our other brothers and sisters know they can overcome, too. Like we said, we are forerunners or running mates.
Here What We Learned:
Prevent all self inflicted triggers
If you are aware of something that can trigger a flare up, don’t provoke them by doing it anyway. Though many external elements are uncontrollable, work with your partner to prevent them from having a flare-up with preventative measures and understanding.
Stop all coping devices
Vices are a big No with aniexty conditions. Devices are dangerous triggers starters because it takes the person out of their normal state of mind. Vices includes: drugs, alcohol, shopping, stealing, sex or anything else that has full control of a person’s will.
People still have a free will to choose but in a relationship this is selfish and prohibited.
Seek counsel from therapy and older couples
Counseling and understanding people are always beneficial. Conditions can be managed with a willfulness to be free. Childhood abuse should never hold us back from a successful relationship.
Develop patience and reward growth
Many people have breakthroughs within the right environment. Always exercise patience and rejoice when partner makes a small step in a positive direction. Never make the issue feel like a burden. People didn’t ask for those problems.
Be realistic with yourself and show empathy especially if you can’t relate to the pain. Remember, crying is not a fun emotion.
Do not enable the condition or person
This will cause friction at first but always come from a place of understand and a place of growth. Love and maturity is stronger than comfort. Do not enable the condition by allowing them to dwell in darkness or giving them devices to “relax” them.
Vices don’t get rid of pain, it numbs it. Be understanding but don’t hinder growth by enabling them. Let them walk and hold their hand.
PTSD and Anxiety – Things to take in consideration:
Most triggers are external
“Regarding sexual abuse, More than 90 percent of child sexual abuse victims know their attacker.” – Sexual Assault of Young Children As Reported to Law Enforcement” by Howard Snyder
This can be a family member that did this or didn’t do anything when it happened. This can cause a flare up whenever they see or hear about that person or event. Give them appropriate space and be there to aid them when they are ready.
Handling stress after episode
PTSD and anxiety wears on both parties involved. Make sure you are doing things that help relieve stress. Do not use devices or indulge in things that don’t help.
Aim towards stress relievers like exercise, sports, music, healthy hobbies and relaxing therapy.
Don’t lose temper or patience during episode
If a person has a choice between flare up and eating a fudge pop, they would choose that ice cream sundae every time. Why?
They don’t want the problem they are faced with. The PTSD and Anxiety is not aim towards you so do not take it personally.
It’s easy to get upset and frustrated with the person but that will only make matters worse. Just console the person until they are in remission.
Do not judge them
Things they say and do during a flare-up should not be judged. Judge accordingly, of course. This does not work for people that are using destructive coping devices.
This is still something we should do after the fact. They should be remembered and treated like they are not having a flare up.
Love and forgive them and don’t bring up the faults and flare ups.
You are an AGENT OF INFLUENCE
People with PTSD and anxiety are easily influenced when they are at their vulnerable state.
Don’t speak badly to them when they are broken down. Built them up and be there for them so they can overcome.
Why? Because they can and many people are breaking through everyday.
Time and patience is key. Don’t abuse your power.
React in the comments below and subscribe to our newsletter for more content just like this.
For more information about statistics above, click here.